Monday, October 27, 2008

They say that writing is soothing. They who? You know, they that said that time is a healer and also that good things come in small packages. They of proverbial fame.
I have been on edge lately. It is probably PMS. Maybe not but most likely it is. Things annoy me, worry me and put me on edge every time I try to step off said edge. So I thought I would listen to 'them' and write. Write because I have a blog and a keyboard, write because I can string words together and write because I don't need to make sense all the time.
See, I think this right here is the problem. My mother said to me today 'you have raised the bar and set standards' although she said it in another context. Of course what she didn't say was that once the bar is raised then one is compelled to make sure it stays that way. Which brings me back to the problem. In a rather philosophical way the problem is to 'make sense all the time' . I am harsh on myself, with myself and more often than not I believe that it is for myself. What I don't seem to realise is that the harsher I am with myself, the more I am going to rebel against me! Some day I am going to get sick of myself and turn around tell myself to treat me better!
I think that day is fast approaching. Where instead of reprimanding myself for not doing things better I will just say 'hey you are human, **it happens'.
I don't know if what I need is rest or work. I am unsure of whether immersing myself wholeheartedly in a thesis (which only has half hearted interest) will put me back on track or will it be better to get away from it all. Wonder what 'they' have to say about that.
What helps though, to a certain extent is, once again characteristic of me, taking the middle-ground. Immersing myself in a good book. 'immersion ka immersion aur break ka break!'.

5 comments:

Suki said...

It's never "only PMS", the way I see it. PMS just makes my existing moods that much more wild and extreme, but can't really add anything new. So if you feel down, it's for a very valid reason and not "just" PMS!
And I think I know what you mean by raising the bar compellingly high. I have this drive to achieve too, and only recently have I realized that fighting with myself and trying to force myself into productivity is going to render me nearly useless. But it's a hard step from that realization to acting upon it... . Good luck on the journey :)

Athena said...

This comment is by a pereson who has seen it all, done it all but can't remember most of it.You take life too seriously - always worried about the worst that can happen.Believe me the worst does not happen-most of the time.
Reality is "now" & "here".
think about it.

Bhavya Shivaprakash said...

I couldnt agree more with "the reality being here and now".
When you are ready to accept people with a few glitches here and there, I think its also important to extend the same consideration to yourself, and give yourself a thick margin:)

Ashanka said...

I vote for a vacation to India. Come here, we'll make you feel better

Vatsa said...

Totally agree with the here and now bit....and also the bit about cutting yourself some slack. So the bar has been raised, and you being you, you will strive and meet it most of the time. Once in a while, if you dont meet it, is it that bad really?