The Almighty works in mysterious ways. Just as I had made peace with the fact that I might not go home this year, an opportunity created itself. Albeit in non ideal circumstances. There is nothing I want more right now than to see the folks and hand over my cares in the world to them. It is true, we never grow up.
I have been hanging onto my sanity by a thread the last few weeks, not thinking beyond the immediate lest I lose it and throw in the towel. Doing what needs to be done and becoming rather mechanical in the process. The occasional outburst is exactly that an outburst, rather an outpouring of emotion and then I stop, afraid to let it bubble over.
I cannot close my eyes anymore without thinking, fearing, worrying. It is difficult this aimless restlessness that does not let you see why it is. Does not let you delve deeper to find the roots and cut them off. Instead it festers, lingers feeding off your exhaustion and working off your routine till it becomes so much a part of you, you do not realise it is there. Until you have time for introspection. Time to sit with a cup of tea on a cold day without a email message popping up, the phone ringing or something else needing immediate attention.
Then it hits you like a ton of bricks, and you know something needs to be done. Something needs to snap you out before you are sucked in too far. This something for me, is heading to my parents. Lucky for me they are closer than home is. But for now home is where they are.