It is strange that I tend to revive this space when I am weighed down by tons of work. Is it the most guilt free procrastination? Maybe. I shall not question. I shall only type.
My laptop has gone for a rehaul, hit as it was by a virus of monstrous proportions. One possesses enough gadgets to entertain oneself but the laptop is irreplaceable. Even the, ancient but trustworthy, temporary replacement that now graces my desk does not push me to work the way my laptop did. I just pray that it makes a complete recovery by tomorrow.
I know a lot of people that need cheering up. Self included. There are uncertainties to battle, scars of battle to overcome and problems that are beyond one's control. But as a family we are not good at letting go. We fret specifically over things that are beyond our control because the things that are in our control are solved.
And the worst part is that work is no longer serving to take my mind off things. The last time I felt so bluesy was during the fag end of the PhD.
I guess I just need to chant the mantra 'I love my job, I love my job' and hope that the To-Do list rapidly becomes the Done list or else I'm in for it.
I long for friends in close proximity. I long for someone not to tell me that it will be ok but to agree that it is sh*t and that they hate it too. I long for companionship of the self pitying kind. If only for a while.
I sometimes wonder at the saying 'Everything will be ok in the end. So if it is not OK it is not the end'. I don't want it to be the end. The end might not be the fairy tale that I'm hoping for.
For now things are strange. Feelings are odd. Life is in a state of flux. Only hope reigns supreme - but only in fits and bursts.