I absolutely, without a doubt, hate being like this and its getting to me. Rahukala, saDesathi, call it what you will - it is eating into my morale. This hit me hard a few moments ago when I said to a friend that I am 'scared' of looking forward to the long weekend (which I intend to spend in Sydney). I am actually afraid of being excited about it, afraid of looking forward to spending time with close friends doing things we do and reminiscing. I am afraid.
I don't want to be afraid but of late things have this annoying habit of going horribly, irreversibly wrong and hitting me full in the face and I'm left to pick up the pieces.
I want to be the (half!) positive person that I was becoming. I hate living in fear of what is next.