I have been wanting to write for a long time now and I know why I haven't. It is over a week into 2009 and I don't feel different. I don't feel rejuvenated and new. I don't feel cleansed and refreshed. 1st of January 2009 did not take away with it all the remnants of 2008. I did not begin the year feeling light hearted and unburdened. Actually I spent it waiting for four hours at the Emergency Department of the hospital, waiting to have a piece of my contact lens removed from the eye.
On the other hand, let us be light hearted even if everything is telling us otherwise. Here are some silver linings:
1. Waited at ED for four hours bright and early on 1st Jan - at least I had my dad with me and we got to talk!
2. Missed mom as she was in India - lost weight from having to eat own cooking.
3. 2009 does not feel like the new year - at least I am tackling known evils.
Other epiphanies include realising that 2009 is probably the worst year to be job hunting. Also re-reading PG Wodehouse has made me realise that I do not have an Aunt Agatha - I have two Aunt Dahlias. Also, everything feels prosaic. There is much to be said about my physical well being if the only time I feel fully normal is when I am running to nowhere on the treadmill. The sinuses are open, breath is free and not hindered by umpteen blockages, muscle fatigue feels better than unsolicited muscular pain, the mind feels a sense of pseudo-achivement and concedes to forget the fact that no work of actual importance has been done. There is something spiritual about running, something that transcends race, religion, waise size and hip girth.
More good news was ushered in in the form of the much awaited blood test results - low iron and high cholesterol, nothing one did not expect. Once again, known evils.
I sometimes feel that I drew the short straw, genetically. Weak eyesight, broad manly shoulders, size 10 upper body and size 8 lower body, crow feet and strange toes. And these are just the external. I boast a wide variety of ailments internally too. Basically I am 25 going on 85.
So, resolutions? you ask. 'Eh?' I say.
Eat more fish, finish the blasted thesis and then - go away, somewhere. Where no one knows my name....
4 comments:
hey sorry to hear about needing to go to the ED on new years
hope the year ahead is wonderful though
also, in terms of genetics...there may be a few thngs off, but there are millions out there who would kill for intellect like yours...so may be it's not all bad?
Cheer up!look at things from others point of view. you will appear to be someone in an enviable position. You have got genes from 2 giants in their profession and your ancestors in all directions were abundantly blessed with intellect, etc,etc.
So don't fret. Count your blessing and keep counting them!!
Don't be harsh on yourself. remember what Bob Randall said. You know he's ( or was) the Keeper of Uluru, Ayer's rock in Australia. Well, this is what he said:
"Begin with your self. Love yourself unconditionally no matter what happens. Just make a commitment to love yourself. Once you have found that a bit easier, then commit to love your partner, then your children, and others."
Hey, the guy forgot to add: also love your Mom ( except when she becomes ma Agatha), Dad ( except when he behaves like Madhava Subbas), Aunt Dahlias, Gunda, Dada, Shyamu Kaka, Arjun, Ekata ,Arihant et al.
-Dada
oye, wait till you hear what happened to me. don't be too hard on yourself girl. Calm down, although I can completely relate to 2009 angst. I have never entered a new year with such hopeless feelings
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